Gorgias

He’s truly the greatest dude ever, and he knows it. That’s why he hums Starman all the time. Classic Bowie tune, sure. And he takes it and makes it a kind of theme song. Almost hymnal, you know. He’ll hum and mutter and sing and sway and people know. People know: people know. He’s the greatest. He’s the starman. He’ll tell you what to do and you will. For some reason.

Not like Kal El, that bastard child of Jor El, the dorkmeister who crammed his superson into what amounts to a space probe the size of a dog house to get him away from death, something that to me sounds about as smart as sending someone into a forest to make sure he won’t get thirsty suddenly, and but apparently it worked out, which is more dumb luck than anything, Jor, I’ll have you know.

Being great has little to do with muscle or supposed x-ray vision or being really fast at changing your clothes (though that is a nice skill to have). Also, with great powers like those come dangerous enemies, like kryptonite, which is something stupid even Jor El didn’t account for, and he sent his son away from pain. Good job. I’ll have the social service lady pay you a visit next week.

I would say that being great is roughly the corollary to the First Rule of Everything, which itself is: 1) If you call yourself cool, you’re not. This rule applies to everything. Just change “cool” to the word you need in the situation. So the corollary would be, if you’re great and just don’t say a word about anything, just hum awesome tunes all day, yeah, you’re probably great. It’s completely hermetic. QED. Quod erat damn true.